Woman prioritizes daughter's future happiness and cuts off her MIL, stands firm in her choice to keep her family together: ‘I no longer care’

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  • "We didn't think it was fair to our child to get attached to people [who] would just walk away at any moment."
  • "AITAH for telling my husband I don't care about his feelings anymore?"

    Sounds harsh but hear me out. We have been together for 5 years. My (32F) husband's (35M) parents but mostly his mother are incredibly toxic. MIL is prone to throwing temper tantrums when she doesn't get her way and likes to frequently tell him he's de d to
  • her, ghost him for months and then reappear and try and pretend like nothing happened (FIL just goes along with this). When they are speaking she is very controlling, insulting and will deliberately try and pick fights by
  • making inappropriate comments and hoping we will react. A lot of these fights are prolonged because I have told my husband I will not go near her until she apologises and she refuses to
  • acknowledge her behaviour. I have always told my husband he is welcome to see them if he wants but he doesn't want to go there without me.
  • We recently welcomed our first child and when I first got pregnant he was in an argument with his parents and not speaking. Once we reached the second trimester I suggested he reach out to let them know before
  • we made a public announcement and we discussed some boundaries for if we were to allow them in our child's life. Basically it was if you have nothing nice to say then don't say anything and no more tantrums/ghosting. We didn't think it was fair to our child to get attached to people that would just walk away at any moment.
  • Hubby explained these rules to his parents and told them that we were giving them one chance and if they couldn't behave then they wouldn't be near our child and they agreed.
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  • In October MIL threw another tantrum. She had messaged husband about Christmas and 'how sad it was she wouldn't get to see her grandchild's first Christmas'. I said we could definitely make time to see them
  • and offered the choice of Christmas Eve, Christmas morning, Christmas evening or Boxing Day but explained that as we don't have a car they would need to come to us (it is a 40 minute drive for them but nearly
  • 3 hours on public transport for us). This set her off, she once again told hubby he was basically de d to her and that she would spend Christmas with people who 'actually love her' and cut contact. They have not spoken since.
  • Hubby is hurt once again by MILS actions and FILS compliance. I have told him I am done with their nonsense and that most of our relationship has been me trying to comfort him while he
  • to comfort him while he questions why his parents don't love him and I won't put our child through this as well. I have. begged him to go to therapy because this is not normal or healthy but he won't go.
  • He constantly mopes about how much he misses them and now whenever we have a fight he throws in my face that 'he gave up his parents for me'. I told him he is a grown man and is welcome to see whoever he
  • wants but myself and our daughter will not be seeing them. He still refuses to speak to them without me. I said I am sick of hearing about it especially he won't do anything to fix it (either
  • see them without me or go to therapy to process his feelings). He's now mad at me because I told him I don't want to hear about it anymore because I no longer care. AITAH?
  • babyladiiess NTA. You've been incredibly patient and supportive, but your husband is refusing to take responsibility for his own emotions or set boundaries with his toxic parents. It's unfair for him to guilt you and weaponize the situation when you've done your part to offer solutions. Prioritizing your mental health and your child's well-being is the right call.
  • Elegant-Draft-59... NTA. You should let him know that he has let his mom's toxicity leak into your family and he is now putting your relationship at risk.
  • FasterThan Newts Tell your husband once he goes to therapy you'll be behind him 100%. But you're not going to keep coddling his parents immature behavior and its effect on him. You also won't tolerate
  • any blame for any of this. You don't have him in the basement, he's a grown a man who's free to go see them. You have a child now and it's time for him to be a parent and not his parent's punching bag anymore. Enough. Your patience is amazing. NTA

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